my maid of honor speech for my sisters wedding!
14 years ago
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
What Women Want: Part 2 (without Mel Gibson)
According to "The Wife of Bath's Tale", "generally women desire to have dominion over their husbands as well as their lovers, and to be above them in mastery." The queen, her ladies-in-waiting, and all the females in the kingdom support this -- do you? Centuries later, women have finally gained the same rights (although this is arguable) as men. Do you think that women still desire to have "dominion over their husbands" or have female priorities changed over time?
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Around the time that the Canterbury Tales was written, women had not yet gained equal rights as men. Thus, they yearned not just for the rights that we enjoy today, but for an entire exchange of freedoms between men and women. Basically, women (and all people for that matter) desire what others have. Jealousy, in my opinion, is an unavoidable characteristic. Women in that time period wanted to have complete control over their husbands because they were so jealous of the fact that the male superiority refused to let them partake in any such dominion. Today however, men and women generally share the same equal rights, which limits the amount by which we are able to be jealous of one another (at least in the case of personal freedoms). Sure men have the right to vote, run for president, and even own a certain amount of property. But so do women! It's kind of like the saying, "if it isn't broken, don't try to fix it." This equality in turn, has lead women (and men for that matter) to seek out other forms of jealousy in association with other rights that we may not yet possess.
So in a nutshell, I don't fully believe that women today desire to have "dominion over their husbands" because they now have less things to be jealous of. However, i totally think that women are capable of being jealous of any such related concepts in the case that they are restricted from them.
I think that women today don't want the full control of men like the wife of bath does. However, I'm sure that women today want to have some say in everything. I mean, like in television, men generally have to succumb to everything that women wants, like getting this furniture or buying that vegetable or that car. That's because husbands are afraid that their wife might leave her. That whole concept if kind of related right? Anyways what Emily said (about medieval women wanting dominion because of jealousy of what men can do) makes sense. If you were working at some place and your boss is a meanie and always gives you pointless orders, you would want to switch roles and give your boss an even harder time. Since medieval women were inferior to the men, I bet that they would want to switch roles and have dominion. I don't really think that kind of mentality (where women want full control of the men) exists in the general population. Now that women have gotten a lot more rights that men have, they don't need to have dominion over their husbands. They simply want their voice to be heard and be relevant.
I completely agree with both Emily and Marielle. The reason that women don't really seek to achieve dominion over their husbands in marriage is because of the fact that the social "hierarchy" isn't as wide as it was in the Medieval times. As we've read, there were all kinds of people in the middle ages; knights, farmers, reeves, etc. Today however, in America, there is much more uniformity. Granted, not everyone is on the same page, but it's less stratified than it once was. This fact connects back to women because if women are happy, which they generally are,(because what one becomes is most often what one deserves in America), then they have no reason to complain.
I also think that today, womens' lives are much more busier than they were. If women are constantly occupied, with children, the home, work, etc., they don't really have time to be jealous of their husbands. I mean in all honestly, on a womens' list of priorities, where does "dominion over my husband" stand?
I agree with what Emily said about the differences in social structure from the Medieval times and now in, 2008. Obviously, women in Medieval times were totally subordinate to men and therefore gaining a little ground in terms of control of the relationship was much more significant than it is today. Elaborating on what Himali said, things are different today with women's rights especially today in America and other "western" developed countries. Women are virtually equal to men but do still suffer discrimination in different situations.
However, i still think that women still desire to have some power over their husbands. Many women, especially from past generations were brought up believing that they had to work twice as hard to even get to the same level as a man. With this go get 'em attitude, many women kind of steal that dominion away from their husbands. Maybe it is not so much that they want it, maybe it just occurs becuase attitudes are different. Also, some say that women are stronger than men possibly becuase they bear children... maybe this strength, coupled with the opportunity to have the same rights as men, always them to have the upper hand in the realtionship. In many American households at least, today, women wear the pants.
In other countries, where religious and cultural elements effect daily life directly, women often dont control the relationship. Whether or not they DESIRE to obtain that control is hard to determine seeing as we all pretty much think in a western, American, "I am equal to a man" kind of way. In some places, this isnt the reality.
To an extent priorities have chnaged, similiar to what Himali stated. With increased rights, comes the emergence of women out of the dark of the kitchen and into the realm of the work force. Their lives are busy and just like Himali said, maybe dominion over husband isnt the first thing that concerns a working woman. Mayeb it IS however, but it presents itself in different forms. Maybe, since today many women work, maybe it is who earns the most money... however, inter-relationship competition probably isnt too healthy.
Anyway, husband wife committments are usually pretty symbiotic, so if the wife happens to take control then they do. Whether or not they really want it, the realtionship should be a give and take type thing; one person shouldnt control everything.
Personally, I do not think women still have the desire to have "dominion over their husbands". I think that they already have it. Women rights and their social status has greatly increased through the times. In fact, it can be argued that women today in the 21st century are on equal footing as men.
The women's domain as increased as well. Like the article "I Want A Wife" women look after children, the house, the cooking, and the food. From my own experience, I think that women rule over all the "homey" aspects of life in everything but the husband's job.
In addition, female priorities have certainly changed over time. As they work and have the same experiences as men and thus probably have the same goals as men: money, staus position, and so on and so forth.
In my own opinion, people really desire what they cannot have. Now that "dominion over their husbands" can be easily achieved, women are not that preoccupied with that when choosing a husband.
I'm going to have to say that I completely disagree! Women TOTALLY still want to have some control over their men! While women now have equal rights with men legally, (yes, I know, not in all cases) they are certainly not viewed as superior to men. Men, as we've agreed before, still have some form of macho stereotype to live up to. If a woman can control one of sed "macho men", she'd definitly feel empowered in one way or another. Feeling empowered always was and always will be a thing we, as humans, crave. It builds up our natural egos and gives us sense of rank in our lives. Inevitably, there is always a social hierarchy whether it be at work, school, or home. Everyone wants to be on top, and women are no exception! Just as men still want women to "make them sandwhiches", women want men to, well I don't know, let them hold the remote every once in a while. Anyways, it may not be written flat out in modern novel form as it was in the Canterbury Tales, but the evidance that women still desire control is there in black and white. Women definitly like power..or maybe its just me..?
Women, in my opinion, are extremely complex creatures. Being one myself I know that they can be manipulative and clever. As Christina said everyone somewhere deep inside desires a sense of control over a situation and even in most relationships. I do think this goes along with women. Going back to the beginning of the world (to Adam and Eve), Eve technically ate the apple first and asked Adam to eat it as well. This idea of women having control of men didn't just develop in the Medieval Times. It seems to be en-rooted and our being. No matter what you believe there is no denying that men, no matter how big and bold they seem, are pretty much under-control of their wives (obviously not in all situations). So to sum this all up, I think that now and then women have the desire and the power of control and dominion over their husbands.
-molly martin
I think we already HAVE dominion.... it's called divorce... also all those laws like you can't beat your wife (or apparently "rape" her, thanks for that one miss winkler). we got rights! ummm yea... so marriage is difficult and i'm no genius, but i think it also depend on the relationship. someone's gotta be a type A and take control. If it's the man, people like to stereotype and say yupp, that's a guy for you but really, it's like republicans, if you work for your money you don't want someone else taking it and spending it unwisely. okay so that was rambling but that could go either way. I guess we like dominion if that's our personality but now that we have the choice or ability to pull out the I AM A WOMAN card and woop our husband's butt in any argument, we're kinda relaxed these days and allow them to take control. sometimes guys like us to have control too, like if he just wants to chill and watch football while WE run the superbowl party. i think everyone wants a little control, but that's what a relationship is, an equal (as it can be) partnership. we already have the ability to take control of situations and let our man do it too, so we're pretty equal, at least wayyy better than those olden day times, like that picture in the green monster of the woman chillin in the wheelbarrel while her husband rolls her around. that's complex... i mean maybe she thinks she gets to be wheeled around, but he gets to chose where (and if he should dump her) okay that was another tangent, but yea so we still want control, but not like an all-out power type thing.
This is a hard question to answer because it really depends on the woman you ask. There are females that desire to be taken care of by their lovers completely, meaning in every way possible. There are others that like to be independent, like the song "Miss Independent." But women can also be very indecisive or 'difficult' (according to men), because some women want to be taken care of but still have a certain amount of independence. Not all men understand that so they violate the limits of the woman which leads to arguments. So, over time there has been a growing increase of diversity in reference to women's desire to be 'dominant' or 'independent'. It all depends on the female one asks.
I think that each woman wants something different from her man. Some like being in power, some like following. It kinda connects with leadership and how everyone leads differently. I'm really not going to get into it much, but there are some people who do better while in the lead while others prefer to tag along and be sort of a background person. So there's going to be some women out there who want dominion over their husbands and some who like the classic wife roll. In general though, I think most women like having equal say in things as their husbands. Of course, there will be some things that she really cares about and some that she really doesn't. It matters what types of decisions they would be a part of and how comfortable they are with it. In general, there's really no direct answer to this question, because of the vast differences between each woman.
I don’t think that women still have a desire to possess control over their husbands or lovers. Anger, if not resentment, of men in women seems to have generally mellowed with time. As women were enabled to have more opportunities in the world beyond marriage and childbearing, it is possible for them to have become distracted from the contempt they felt towards men by their goals of personal advancement that could be achieved through work and dedication. As the question states, it is arguable whether or not women have gained the same rights as men, and women are often preoccupied with attaining more equality between themselves and men. In contemporary times, women put this task before the concept of making men their subordinates. Therefore, as women become more independent of the physical and psychological control which men have had over them throughout history, the importance of dominance becomes lessened in comparison to the importance of independence.
Ok, so i'm not a woman, but i'm still gonna take a crack at this question. (so bear with me)I would have to say that the women in today compared to the women of the Canterbury Tales are the same in the sense that they want control over "their man." I think that not matter how the times change women still want to know that they have some say and control when it comes to the lives of their "men." I think this is visible in most everyday couples, for example if a man were to go to the movies one night, without his "girl," the girl would want to know everything, not about the movie, but about who was their. She would want to know who was their, were there any girls their, and if so why? I don't think that this applies to all girls though because some may want control but they may not show that they want it, or they may just not care. Honestly, though my personal thought is that I think all girls want some type of control over their man. But, not to say that this is a bad thing, because I think that men (not all) without control are just a big problem waiting to happen. So, in the end I would say that women still want (or need) control over their man, and men need this control which is why it exists.
One- Abdallah, you are my hero!
Two- Ms. Winkler, this movie is great and I just watched it maybe two days ago.
Three- I think what women truly want depends on their morals and characteristics. Like Mel learned through out the movie with his awkward encounters with several women, not every woman desires what the next one desires. Sure, he got lucky with stealing Helen Hunt's ideas to make the important people of NIKE happy, but I believe that's because those women all have the same priorities. They are all career oriented, business savvy alpha females. All are totally confident in themselves, I mean, they have to be in the marketing dog-eat-dog world. Because of their confidence, I would assume that they wouldn't get totally possessive with their men. Independent women are comfortable with themselves and know that no man would take another girl over them and if it ever did happen, these women would be determined to rebound with someone even better.
I believe women that are not uber confident with themselves would say that what they want is total control over their men. Obviously, they want to make sure he's being faithful and he appreciates her and her hard work. He would value her opinion in bettering the relationship and other sappy chick-flick-like plot lines.
No doubt have woman's rights come a long way which have given them the power to strive for more influential goals like the Presidency or becoming powerful CEOs, etc. Because of the new opportunities, I feel most women feel that having control of their husbands is a given. It's too petty of a detail in their driven lives. They aspire for much more then that nowadays.
As times changed, so did the priorities of women. It was easy for all of the people in the kingdom to agree with the queen when she said that what women want most was dominion over their husbands because back then women didn’t have a lot that they had control over. Their husbands were pretty much thietr whole lives, and it is logical that people want control over their lives. Nowadays women are more concerned with other things (ex. hobbies, careers) that husbands are not the only thing on their list of priorities. Looking at what is important to women now and then it is understandable that having dominion over our men is not the only thing we want any more.
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